i'm not dilligent

i'm not dilligent as u think about me. there's many factor that changed me

it start with; when i asking myself why god still make me alive

i recognized the answer

it cause i'm still have meaning to do

i'd correcting my behaviours that make all of people around me can treated me, make me depressed, and i still remember my childhood, i feel that when i was child is more adult than me when i was sick

so, i desire to change as me now ^^ it's crazy ^^ you know ? ^^ ^^ haha ^^

that's my old story ^^ i want no more and when i'm in  collage ^^ those haven't happen yet ^^

not enough till there ^^ in my way to do my desire, i found someone in my mind ^^ someone that like to do a fool thing like saying "zoo" member ^^ like to desperate ^^ so *OO* of he ^^ but he's very nice if he not lured ^^  when i believed that he still can be better ^^ why not ? ^^ it make me more desire to get better ^^ i wanna be in his side ^^ i think i understand how is he feel like ^^ i often hooked and desperate ^^ but i wont as desperate as he ^^ i must say thanks very much to him ^^ but maybe time not pleased me yet ^^ i'll wait for him as long as possible ^^

that's my mind

and i  have a deterrent with my loneliness ; stay at home for a year ^^ without fiends ^^

therefore now, i feels like jailed by people i lovemost ^^ yeah ^^ that's my parents ^^ my *A* always command me to think about learn only ^^ nothing else ^^ even his job only ^^ but i try to understand ^^ he actually love me so much ^^ that's make me think 

he has to grown old ^^ has mind that might be like a child again ^^ that is selfish ^^ i must more adult to overcome ^^

those all enough to make me wanna do my best as good as i can do in this way ^^ a way that i believed choosed by god ^^ only in this way which i waste since i was kid ^^ only in this way i'll be just fine ^^ a way that i can do my best ^^